40 Months - October 2010

So I'm sure you've noticed that I'm kind of obsessed with researching things. When I got pregnant with you I read book after book after book. When there is something I need to buy that costs over probably $30, you can bet I'll be online reading reviews and comparing prices for weeks. It's October and I've been looking onine at possible Christmas presents for weeks already. I'm telling you this because I want you to know that I generally try to be well prepared for things so I can make good decisions and know what to expect. You began to rock this part of my world from the day you were born but even more so now that you are getting older.

So I told you that to tell you this, there really isn't an instruction manual on how to raise kids. When people said that I always thought it was kind of a dumb saying. I always thought, well no, but as soon as you figure out the diaper/feeding/sleeping thing you're pretty good. I mean if I could do it, as someone who had very little experience with kids before I had my own, then anyone could do it, and I've done it TWICE! I've got this baby thing down! So I was feeling pretty good for a while, until I started helping out with preschool...

Since starting to help and finding myself in a setting with lots of little kids, it's hitting me hard that you don't turn babies into adults just by feeding them and bathing them and putting them to sleep at night. All of these different kids have different personalities and traits and it is sometimes obvious how different the parenting styles of their parents are. Some kids are super good kids and I want to know how their parents have done it, and some kids honestly make me very, VERY grateful for the kids I have. It's not that I didn't know I was going to have to discipline you and teach you how to be a good person, but I guess what I didn't realize until just recently is that there are SO many ideas on how do it and that finding the way that works would be so hard.

So I hit the books. I have read plenty of books about babies: how to get you to sleep in your bed, how to vaccinate you without inadvertantly giving you some awful disorder, heck I even read Babies for Dummies on how to properly change a diaper and give a bath (I really was clueless, Logan, really), but these books were a little different. There isn't much dispute on how to properly change a diaper, there are MANY ways to discipline a kid. I read one book and thought it was great, then read another book that sounded great too but was totally the opposite of the first book! What I've finally decided is that I can't rely on my research skills on this one, and I'm going to have to trust that me and your dad won't screw you up too badly.

In my eyes there is a pretty thin line between too much discipline and not enough. You're only three, but I feel like it is important for me to try to balance on that line now. It's hard! I don't know how old you will be when you read this, and I'm sure you'll think this letter is a strange thing for me to be writing to you about, but I guess I just want you to know that whatever your dad and I do while you are growing up is done to help you go from being a really good kid to a really good adult. We may be winging it, but I can promise you we'll do the best we can.

I hope we can teach you that being respectful of other people is probably the quality that will get you the furthest in life and that life isn't about getting to do what you want all the time. I also hope we can teach you it's important to have fun too. Even though it might be hard to belive those three things can exist together peacefully in one teenage body, I hope that is the kind of teenager you will be. Respectful, mature, and fun loving. Please don't grow up too fast so we can figure out how to get you there, and bear with us through the process.

Love you buddy,
Mom

You LOVE hunting with Daddy.

You LOVE Halloween.
And Buzz!

And you're adorable.