Yesterday a man walked into an elementary school and killed 20 children about your age. I didn't find out about it until after I had dropped you off at school, and my immediate instinct was to run back to my car to go pull you out of class. I didn't. I stayed home and watched the news coverage with your dad and cried. My pain for those children and their parents and families hit too close to home. Kindergartners. You are a kindergartner I know how those kids act, how funny they can be, how sneaky and silly and excited for life they are. I cannot begin to feel what those parents are feeling, but because you are the same age as those children it was incredibly painful and easy for me to put myself into their shoes, to think the thoughts they were having. You had been so excited all week for school yesterday because it was your gift exchange. I couldn't help but think that maybe that class was having a party or making a Christmas present for their parents. I got to the point where I couldn't watch anymore, but my thoughts have not left those children or their parents, and that's why I am writing about something so horrible in your letter this morning.
We have not told you what happened. The news channels only come on when you are playing in another part of the house, and the channel is quickly changed when you come in the room. I know I can't shelter you from evil for your entire life, but 5 years old is too young to hear that there are people in this world who are capable of killing children as they sit in their school classroom, a place where you are told you are safe. I pray that by the time you get back to school on Monday that the topic of conversation in your class will be what you want for Christmas and not this. If I share these letters with you any time soon, I will leave this one out. This world is a horrible place, but miracles happen every day too. GOOD happens every day. There are people who do bad thing,s and illness and war and awfulness, but Logan there is so much good, too. One of my favorite songs we sing around Christmastime at church is "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day." Two of the verses are so perfect for this situation at this time of the year,
And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."
Hate IS strong, but Right WILL prevail. We need to be the good, and we need to focus on the good that we see and celebrate it. You are such an incredible kid, so loving and kind and sensitive. Bad things will continue to happen. We know that this world isn't destined for a pretty ending, but look for the good and you will find it. Have faith.
Whew. Now on to the rest of your letter. :)
You and your sister think Tyson is your new toy. He's finally big enough to play with and not quite big enough to do anything about it. He does like it when you guys push him around in your toy totes though. Oh that baby is either going to wind up with a good bit of patience or a temper!
Before your dad and I left for my bison hunt I wanted to do some fun things in case I ended up getting trampled or rolling the 4-wheeler, etc. (If you have anxiety as you get older you can be confident you got it from me. I'm sorry.") We made a bunch of new ornaments to put on the tree, and you guys loved putting the paint inside the glass ornaments and watching the colors swirl and change. I love this tradition of making a new ornament each year. It may make our tree look random and wild, but I hope you guys will like looking at them as you get older and remembering the times we made them.
Dragging the back yard with dad. You guys love hanging out with dad, especially if he's on the 4-wheeler, even if that means going around and around in circles in the back yard.
Well I didn't need to have anxiety after all, and I ended up shooting a bison the third day of the hunt and coming home a day or 2 earlier than I'd planned. (I was a happy momma!) We brought the cape and head down so you guys could check it out. You thought it was pretty cool. Her head was almost bigger than Ty!
Your dad and I took just you with us to St. George the other day because you and your dad needed haircuts and i needed a few things for Christmas. It was so fun to get to hang out with just you for a couple hours. We don't get to do that very often. I'm not letting you get any more haircuts though, it makes you look too big. Your dad was right when he said you are going to break some hearts in a few years.
The other morning I got this picture of you and Ty coloring on the couch with the Christmas tree in the background. Christmas is so much fun these last few years as you've gotten more and more into the whole idea of Santa. I'm so excited for Christmas Eve and wrapping your presents and filling your stocking. I dread the day you find out that your dad and I are "Santa," but I hope you keep that to yourself and let your brother and sister find out on their own. Santa may not be real, but that magic is something that is incredible to be a part of.
I love you so much bud. No matter how much evil is in this world, you can always count on your family. Be good, be kind, and be respectful, and always believe in Santa.
Mom
3 comments:
Very good letter. I was crying through most of it. I felt the same way thinking of you and so glad that it didn't happen at your school. I believe the same things your Mother does. There still is a lot of good in the world and you can seek it out. It is so much fun to see you guys interact with Ty. You are a good example for him. Love you Logan Tons and Tons.
Loved this letter, described perfectly the feelings I am feeling right now.
Oh buddy. My eyes fill with tears every time I think about that terrible shooting and those small children that lost their lives that day. It definitely hits home in my heart because you were the same age as those kids and I cannot imagine not having you around. You are such a big part of our family and such a good kid. We are so lucky that you are part of this family.
There will be a lot of sad things that you will see in your life, but like your mom said, Have Faith. Know that we have the gospel and we know that our Father in Heaven loves us very much and wants us to be happy. Always have faith, and comfort, in the fact that you are part of a forever family. Noting can beat that knowledge. As you grow up and lose people close to you you will realize just how lucky we are to have that knowledge.
Ok, enough of that! I think you are such a good big brother, and I love to see the pictures of you playing with Tessa and Tyson, and seeing you in person also playing so well with them. You are a good example to them and they will always love you. You are growing up just a little to fast though, so if you could slow that down I would appreciate it! Remember that we love you very much, Buddy!
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